Over the years, living in a house with my wife and two daughters, I have been very blessed to see how mothers and daughters relate to one another and how their relationships can change. When our girls were young and everything seemed new to them, my wife was excited to do kid stuff; blow bubbles, make s’mores in the summer and snowmen in the winter, or bake cupcakes and cookies. I saw much fun and love, even though everything wasn’t always smooth and easy.
Time passed and adolescence set in. There was shopping, and clothes, complicated emotions, stubbornness, hard headedness, conflict, and even tears sometimes, and still much love. My wife was not a helicopter mom, but always ready to forgive, to guide, and encourage them. Always willing to give them some freedom and another chance to earn back trust, if it had been violated. She remained strong when she said good bye and let them go, to make their own way in the world. These days, my girl’s relationship with their mom has become a beautiful friendship. They still call often to ask advice, to vent, or just talk. Because of love, my wife would still do anything for them.
Psychiatrists say that not all, but most, mother-daughter relationships are very strong. In fact, some say it’s the most powerful bond in the world. It affects health, self-esteem, and even other relationships.
I bring this up because I think it helps to partly explain the actions of the woman found in a story in Matthew’s Gospel (Mt. 15:21-28), a Canaanite, a Gentile. This woman was not a child of the house of Israel, not a follower of Jesus and had no claim on his healing powers, as he made clear to her. It seems like there was a divide between them because of their different beliefs, she really had no business going to him, but something drew her.
I imagine this woman heard others talking about Jesus and how he healed the sick. All of a sudden she had a new hope. Jesus could heal her daughter. Her love for her daughter motivated her to take advantage of the opportunity to go to Jesus as he passed by. I think we can learn a lot from this story and what Jesus sees in this woman by what didn’t happen.
First, Jesus didn’t send her away. Even though the woman was a gentile and not his follower, even though they were different, she approached him and Jesus didn’t send her away. We can go to Jesus no matter who we think we are, we can go to him just as we are. We don’t have to worry that we’re not good enough or worthy. We can trust that he will never send us away and will always receive us, that our life matters to him, that our suffering will be met with his mercy.
If Jesus does that for us, we should do it for one another. Even in our differences, to receive one another, to know that everyone’s life matters, and to meet suffering with mercy. This happens right before our eyes at Catholic Charities.
The woman didn’t stop her pleading. Even though she was annoying his followers, and they wanted her sent away, she didn’t stop. She kept her focus on him. In our lives, there are things that can keep us from Jesus and separate us from one another. Some come from ourselves like doubt, pride, and fear. Some are voices of our friends, family members, and the media. Like this woman, we need to focus past the things that could cause us to be separated and on things that bring us closer to Jesus and closer to one another.
Jesus didn’t answer the woman as she expected. At first, there was no answer. When he did answer, told her it wasn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs. (There is that difference again). I bet this wasn’t the answer she hoped for, wanted, or expected to hear.
Driven by the love for her daughter, and the knowledge that he was her only remaining hope to end their suffering, she didn’t leave. Even after he implied she wasn’t worthy of his attention, she didn’t give up. She kept the conversation open. She didn’t become offended but remained humble and determined (even stubborn, hard headed) and stayed with Jesus, she clung to him.
Even though they were different, even though people were trying to send her away and separate them, even though she wasn’t getting the answers she expected, through it all, motivated by love and knowing he could and was able to heal her daughter, she wasn’t leaving him. That is her great faith.
That is the faith we are called to. To know Jesus can do what we ask, and through it all, whatever we go through, to cling to him in humility. Stay with him, even if he doesn’t answer how and when we expect. If we persist in prayer, even for what seems an impossible goal, we will receive surprising grace.
What a lesson for us. To be motivated by love, acknowledge our differences, see past things that try to separate us, not become offended, remain humble and determined and keep conversations open. To have faith in one another.