Then Jesus went from that place and withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out, “Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David! My daughter is tormented by a demon.” But he did not say a word in answer to her. His disciples came and asked him, “Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us.” He said in reply, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But the woman came and did him homage, saying, “Lord, help me.” He said in reply, “It is not right to take the food of the children* and throw it to the dogs.” She said, “Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from the table of their masters.” Then Jesus said to her in reply, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that hour. Matthew 15: 21-28
Over the years, living in a house with my wife and two daughters, I’ve been blessed to see how mothers and daughters relate to one another and how their relationships change. When our girls were young I saw much fun and love, even though everything wasn’t always smooth and easy. Time passed and adolescence set in. There was shopping, clothes, emotions, conflict, even tears sometimes, and still much love. As they make their own way in the world, their relationship with their mom is becoming a beautiful, loving friendship.
Psychiatrists say that not all, but for the most part, the mother-daughter relationship is very strong, in fact, some say the most powerful bond in the world. It affects health, self-esteem, and even other relationships.
I think this understanding of the bond between a mother and her daughter helps to partly explain the actions of the woman in the gospel story. She was a Canaanite, a Gentile. She was not a child of the house of Israel, not a follower of Jesus and had no claim on his healing, as he made clear to her. They were from different places, had different religious beliefs and on the surface, nothing in common. There was a divide between them. She really had no business going to him to ask for help, but something drew her.
I imagine this woman heard others talking about Jesus and how he healed. What would a mother not do for her daughter? She let hope creep into her heart that Jesus could heal her. It was a mother’s love that motivated her to be brave, (for it is difficult to ask for help from those who do not share our beliefs or understanding of ourselves) and take advantage of the opportunity to go to Jesus as he passed by. The strong bond of love this woman had for her daughter drew her to him despite the obstacles. I think we can learn a lot from this story, about our relationship with Jesus and with one another by what didn’t happen.
First, Jesus didn’t send her away. Even though they were very different, she still approached him and Jesus allowed her to remain in his presence. We can go to Jesus no matter who we think we are, we can go to him just as we are. We don’t have to worry that we’re not good enough or worthy. We can trust that he will never send us away and will always receive us, that our life matters to him, that our suffering will be met with his mercy.
Everything Jesus does is a lesson in how we should behave. If Jesus does it for us, we should do it for one another. Even in our differences, to receive one another, to know that everyone’s life matters, and to meet suffering with mercy. I witness this in my ministry at Catholic Charities where they provide help to everyone who comes to their door, regardless of race, faith, politics or any other ideology that can divide us.
The woman didn’t stop her pleading. Even though she was annoying to his followers, who were telling him to send her away, she didn’t listen and kept her focus on Jesus. In our lives, there are things that distract us from Jesus and separate us from one another. Sometimes it’s our own doubt, pride, anger, and fear. Sometimes it’s the voices of friends, family members, and the media. Like this woman, we need to look beyond these things, not let them distract us, and focus on what brings us closer to Jesus and closer to one another.
Jesus didn’t answer the woman as she expected. At first, there was no answer, and when he did answer, told her it wasn’t right to take the food from the children and throw it to the dogs. I bet this wasn’t the answer she expected to hear. Sometimes we wonder if God is listening to us or even intentionally ignoring us, when we don’t get the answer we want- when we want it.
In our relationships with one another we may not always agree. We may not get the answers we want when we want them either, because we think differently. It does not mean that they do not contribute something valuable to our lives.
This woman didn’t leave Jesus. Driven by the love for her daughter, and the knowledge that he was her only remaining hope to end their suffering, she continued to follow him. Even after he implied she wasn’t worthy of his attention, she didn’t give up. She kept the conversation open. She didn’t become offended but remained humble and determined and stayed with Jesus, she clung to him.
Even though they were different; even though people were trying to send her away and separate them; even though she wasn’t getting the answers she expected; through it all, motivated by love and knowing he was able to heal her daughter, she wasn’t going to leave him. That is her great faith.
That is the faith we are called to. To know Jesus is able and can do what we ask, and through it all, through whatever we go through, to cling to him in our humility, even if he doesn’t answer how and when we expect.
We are called to a faith that is motivated by love, acknowledging our differences, ignoring the voices of distraction, and seeing past things that try to separate us. We are asked not to become offended, but to remain humble and determined to keep conversations open. To stay with one another. To have faith in one another. To be a source of hope.